Between the Lines of Fear and Blame
by procrastin8or951
Summary: Response to "Rashomama," from Nick's POV. Nick/Sara friendship. Review, please! Oneshot.


Maybe it was his fault.

The evidence had been in his truck. His truck was the one to be stolen. Did that make it his fault?

On the one hand, he had set the alarm. He couldn't have known it wouldn't go off.

But he really shouldn't have stopped to eat. He should have taken it back to the lab.

Yes, Nick was pretty sure this whole fiasco was his fault.

It sucked, too, because not only did he lose evidence, he lost evidence that they couldn't collect again, since the scene was released.

Just when he thought he was really back in the game, doing everything just as well as he had before last summer. Then this had to happen.

Except, it didn't _have_ to happen. He could have prevented it.

Grissom, surprisingly, wasn't mad. It could have meant a killer walked free, and yet, he didn't seem angry in the slightest. That was definitely different.

Grissom was a calm guy, but he hated it when they got away. He had gotten angry with Nick before when he felt that his investigation had been messed up. What changed?

Ecklie didn't yell at him either. In fact, the only comment made about his part in this was the undersheriff, who commented that Nick "gave priority to his need for runny eggs." Apparently McKeen did not approve of the diner where the CSIs spent many meals.

Why didn't they blame him? It wasn't that he wanted them to be angry… but he didn't understand why they weren't.

It hadn't mattered, in the end. They had solved the case anyhow. But still….

"Be careful. Don't hurt yourself thinking so hard," Sara broke into his thoughts. Nick turned to look at her across the break room.

"What?"

"Why so lost in thought?" she asked, coming to sit across from him at the table.

"Why is no one mad at me?" he asked, perplexed. She frowned.

"Why would anyone be upset with you?"

"I lost the evidence," he stated flatly. "I should have taken it straight to the lab, but I didn't, and I lost all the evidence."

"It wasn't your fault –" Sara began, but Nick cut her off.

"Yes, yes it was. If I had done what I was supposed to, even if my car did get stolen, it wouldn't have mattered."

"You didn't know it would get stolen," Sara pointed out.

"So what? It's still my fault. You all should be mad at me. Why aren't you?" Nick asked.

"I don't know…" Sara said, looking down.

"It's because of what happened last summer, isn't it?" he demanded, suddenly.

"What? No, of course not."

"Everyone is going easy on me since then. I get all the easy cases, I almost never work solo…"

"So what? That doesn't mean anything," Sara said.

"Yes, it does. Everyone's treating me like I'm going to break or something. I'm not fragile."

"We nearly lost you, Nick! Sorry if you feel like we're being too nice to you, but until you've watched your friend locked up in a box underground for hours, being eaten alive, you can't complain about how we treat you!" Sara exploded.

Nick stared at her. "You could see me?"

Sara nodded. "There was a webcam."

"You could see me." This time, it wasn't a question. They had never told him. They apparently didn't think it was something he needed to know.

"We didn't tell you because you didn't need to know," Sara said, reading his mind. "Not because we thought you couldn't handle it."

"Except that you did think that, didn't you?" he challenged, standing up.

"Nick, damn it, we didn't think that! And the only reason no one is mad at you is because we know it isn't your fault!"

Nick sighed, then nodded. "Okay. I'm sorry."

"Nick…" Sara stood and put a hand on his arm. "If we treat you different, it's only because we realized how close we came to losing someone who meant a lot to us."

Nick smiled a little. "Thanks, Sara. I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated."

"You shouldn't blame yourself, either, Nick."

"It's just…why does this stuff always happen to me?"

"I don't know, Nick," Sara said, shaking her head. "But it isn't your fault."

Nick nodded. "Okay." Then he grinned. "On the bright side, _I _was the one who got the blood and the epithelials."

"Yes, Nick, you're brilliant. Great job getting the number of the girl who helped commit the murder," Sara said, rolling her eyes.

"I didn't get anything. She put it in my pocket," Nick insisted.

"Yeah, sure." Sara pushed him. "Listen, Nick?" she said, serious.

"Yeah?"

"Don't blame yourself, for any of it."

"Okay. Just a bunch of coincidences, right?" he said.

"Of course. It's all over now, anyway."

"Yeah. It is."


End file.
